There Ain't No Way I'm Ever Gonna Love You - A Soul Eater Evans Baby Daddy

"It wasn't supposed to be this way,"

Those were the only coherant words you could muster, your wrist shaking with the deceptively weighty paper in your hand. The stone of the cubicle floor was cold against your thighs, leaving you with even more of a shiver than you felt all ready.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way," you whispered again, so quietly that the sinks drowned out your words.

"Are you coming, _____?" came your Technician's voice from the other side of the door. "We're going to be late for class at this rate."

Crumpling the paper into a ball, you stuffed it into your pocket and unlocked the door, stepping out into reality again.

Class? How could you go to class? Now that...

Your technician sighed in your direction.

"______, you've been really weird lately," she commented. "That time of the month?"

I suppose I have....

It was all because of him. The boy you had admired from a distance, never acting. How could you? His resolve was to be cool and you...were everything but.
Soul Eater Evans. Just the name made you quiver -you doubted he even knew yours.

The classroom was all ready buzzing when you arrived - Marie stood at the front scribbling notes on the board ready for the beginning of class. Your entrances went unnoticed, especially by him. Turning your eyes in his direction, you noticed him sharing a joke with his friends - with Maka, Black Star and Tsubaki. You had spent so many hours observing them - attempting to find a strand of confidence to step up and introduce yourself on some level they almost felt like your friends.

They were not your friends. The only interaction you had was on the occasions you wore your hair up. It was a sandy shade, quite like Maka's.

It was a shock you were even invited to the party at all, though in hindsight, everyone in your class was so you're not sure why. You were reluctant tomake an appearance,persuaded only by your Technician, who said if you didn't go, she couldn't go and she'd never talk to you again. She made a large point of doing your hair and choosing your outfit, a pale pink affair with small frills on the neck. Though you didn't like to admit you felt special, pretty even. You hoped a certain someone would appreciate it the same way you did, as you subtly admired yourself in the mirror.

It turned out that the party was quite a boring affair. Your technician wandered off to play poker with some of her friends, leaving you alone by the record player. The music wasn't half bad, you remembered thinking, tapping your foot along to the rhythm.

Then it happened.

A shape emerged from the crowd and your heart stopped still. It was him - Soul - and he was heading straight for you. For the first time in your entire recollection, he looked straight at you.

"So that's the dress you chose," he commented. "I thought you were going for the blue one."

He stopped the record player as you sat stunned.

"If you're wondering where Black star and everyone are," he went on to say, "they're by the piano. Well, under it is probably more appropriate. Black Star wanted a drinking contest and...it didn't end well.."

You couldn't believe he was talking to you about such day to day matters, let alone that he was talking to you at all.

"Who won?" you mumbled, causing a grin to plant itself on his face.

"I did of course," was the reply. "I'm too cool to get drunk. Kid and Black star on the other hand..."

He shook his head as though clearing thoughts from it and grabbed for your wrist, dragging you clean up from the chair.

"Come on," he said, leading you over to the piano. The scene that met your eyes was one of utter chaos. Tsubaki crouched under the piano with her back to you, attempting to resusscitate an unconscious Black star, while Death the Kid feverishly rearranged the flowers decorating the piano into perfectly symmetrical sets.

Ignoring this, Soul seated himself at the instrument and threw open the lid. The keys were an ivory shade and he placed his fingers over a few. You closed your eyes as he began to play. It was almost as if this moment was too much for you.

The music he played was beautiful - like nectar of the soul. It enriched your every sense and cleansed you somehow. At the sound of his music, everyone else in the room gathered round to listen. You wondered if this was how it felt to belong, to be acknowledged. He had pulled you out of the chair almost as if he had chosen you.

Before long, the atmosphere became claustrophobic and you stepped outside for air. The sound of the piano drifted in through the doorway, the chill of the night air, they both gave you goosebumps. The tune soon stopped and you debated whether or not to return inside, when awarm pair of arms wrapped themselves around you from behind, taking you completely by surprise.

"I missed you," Soul whispered into your ear. "Why did you leave me?"

Your heart pounded in your chest at these words. He was so close to you, holding you so tightly...

"I...just wanted some air," you whispered.

He let go of you - the chill hit you like needles. You watched as he stared up at the moon, he looked so vulnerable right then, he wasn't the same person that you saw in class.

"I feel I haven't told you enough," he said, "my feelings for you."

It was as if you'd swallowed an iceberg. He had feelings for you?

"I know I never speak of them, but that is only because I fear I'd mess up the words," he said. "There aren't enough words for you."

You didn't know what to say. Instead, you wrapped your own [quivering]arms around his chest and laid your head against his back.

"I'm sure you could find the words, Soul," you murmured.

You couldn't see his face, but you were sure that he was smiling. He placed his hands atop yours and lowered them so that he could face you. You were wrong about the smile - he was serious.

"Actions speak louder than words, I hear," he said and gripped hold of your chin.
You felt that you were going to have a heart attack. This was the moment you had waited for for so long, day dreamed about in class so many times - though never expected to take place. Now that it was happening, you were at a loss as to what to do, how to react.

His kiss was gentler than you expected - more of a swift brush across the lips than anything else. Though it led to more. You left the party together soon afterwards- you, high on the confusion of it all, him, pulling you into his embrace -begging you to scream his name. It was your first time and it pained you, though he comforted you with his kisses. It ended too quickly and the two of you lay exhausted and bleeding, swaddled in sheets. He left soft kisses against your shoulder while you lay there.

"I love you," he whispered. "I always have.You've always carried my emotions, Maka."

With a single word, the illusion shattered. Only then did you realise, that it had never been you that he had desired, or accepted. From the beginning, it had always been Maka. He had never wanted you, or chose you. Because of that stupid drinking contest, he had been more susceptible to mistake you for her.

You'd never climbed out of bed so fast as you did then. Dragging on your clothes,you ran out wthout explanation, even though he repeatedly asked forone all the way to the door. You believed that, were it not for the single duvet he had wrapped around his lower body by way of clothing, he would have followed you out. It was not you, though, that he would follow. It would always be Maka.

You weren't sure how far you ran through Death City that night. As soon as you left Maka's house, you sprinted through the streets, only stopping when you couldn't run anymore. Collapsing onto a bench, you burst into tears and didn't move until morning.

You were happy to forget the mistake. You knew that he had forgotten everything. But now there were consequences - in the heat of the moment neither of you had thought to use protection.

And so you were pregnant, the nurse had confirmed it. A living entity, most likely the size of a pin head, existing only to remind you of the mistake you had made. You had confided in no one about what happened at the party, not even your Technician. She had been in a bad mood as it was, having lost four rounds of poker, causing the other players to change it to Strip Poker.

Glancing over at Soul and his friends again, laughing together at a joke someone had made, you knew that you didn't have the strength to inflict the same misery you were feeling upon them. You liked Soul enough to want him to be happy.

You had an abortion that very same day.